Like An Angel
by SeeingXxViolet
Summary: Ever since he came into her life, Kukai has been there for her through thick and thin. But after a terrible accident, it is Kukai who turns to Utau for help. Will she be able to aid him when he needs it most? Utau x Kukai
1. Chapter 1: Accident

**A Kutau fanfiction that starts off sadly, but it will get better! If I continue it that is, because I might not, I don't know yet. **

**But please review? This is only my second fanfiction, so it might not be that good. Advice will help me improve!**

**Anyway, I hope you like it!**

Like An Angel

Ambulances. Their sirens seemed to go on for eternity, and to Kukai's ears they were deafening. Night had fallen, but flashing blue and red lights made the street seem almost as bright as day. Glass was strewn everywhere. Metal, too, ripped into pieces, the sheer sight of it made Kukai feel as if he couldn't breathe. His surroundings seemed unnaturally white, like the world was just disappearing. Kukai couldn't think. Nothing seemed real. The night was in reality warm, but Kukai felt as if he were caged in ice. Everywhere around him were people in frightening uniforms, paramedics, rushing, their jobs right now vital. They were probably the most vital people in the world. Kukai looked around. No one's eyes were on him. He could just slip away, and be unnoticed. It would be so easy.

Feeling as if some other force, some other being was controlling his feet, Kukai turned and ran from that horrible scene, as fast as his legs were able to carry him, as urgently as whatever sickness was pulling him away.

Utau sat in the kitchen, attempting to scrape the last bits of ice cream out of the container. She gave up and threw the container in the bin with an irritated sigh. She was wiped. Work had been hell. Paparazzi had been, like, double hell. Was that even a place? Gah. Utau yawned and began to trudge upstairs. Just as she had gone two steps, there was a knock at the door.

The knock was so quiet she wasn't sure she'd really heard a knock at all. But then it happened a second time. Wondering who could be visiting at an hour like this, she went to the door.

'Kukai!' she exclaimed in surprise when she saw who it was. Then her eyes widened. 'What – what's wrong?'

Because she could tell immediately that something was wrong. Kukai stood completely still, his head down. She could hardly see his face. His stance was... strange. Wrong, somehow. And, his presence felt different. He was usually so energetic. He seemed... drained. Like he was hardly there at all.

'Utau...' Kukai began so softly that she had to strain to hear him. 'Can I stay at your place tonight?'

Utau couldn't see why not. Ikuto was upstairs, but he wouldn't care if Kukai stayed over. Their mother wasn't home. 'Yeah,' she said, not knowing what else to say. 'Come in.' She took his arm and led him inside, closing the door behind them.

Utau led Kukai into the kitchen. She was seriously alarmed. She had never seen Kukai so shaken up before, ever. He was always so cheerful. Even when he was down he was ten times more cheerful than anybody else around him. Utau sat the boy down at the bench. She still couldn't see his eyes.

She wanted to ask him what had happened, but at the same time she dreaded to. 'Uh... can I get you some water?' She tried to make her voice cheery, but it sounded strained and artificial even to her own ears.

The boy nodded once. Utau went to the sink, selecting a glass, and filled it with water. She stared at the water as it poured out of the tap. What was going on? She realised with a start that she'd left the tap on too long, and quickly turned it off. She went to Kukai, settling the glass in front of him.

'Here. Drink it, okay?' she commanded. She tried to hide the note of alarm in her voice.

Kukai stared at the glass for a moment, then slowly reached out and took it. He raised it to his mouth and drank obediently.

'Good,' Utau said, relieved.

Just at that moment, Ikuto entered. 'Oh?' he inquired, his eyes lighting up mischievously as he spotted Kukai. 'What is the Jack-Star-Guy-Chair-Something doing here at this time of night? Have I intruded on a secret lovers' meeting? Tut-tut, children –'

'GET OUT!' Utau screeched at him, then immediately lowered her voice as Kukai jumped slightly. 'Get out,' she repeated in a low voice, grabbing her brother roughly by the arm and pulling him out of the kitchen, into the hallway.

'Shut the hell up, would you?' she hissed at Ikuto as soon as they were out of earshot.

Ikuto looked taken aback. 'Why? I barely said anything...'

'Look, something's wrong okay? I don't know what, but I think it's serious. Don't just go running your mouth off like that, please.' Her voice was filled with fury, but Ikuto thought it also held a note of fear.

Ikuto looked harder at Utau's face. 'You're really worried, aren't you?'

She nodded, biting her lip, and Ikuto felt sorry for the girl. Utau straightened. 'Anyway, listen. He asked if he could stay here tonight. And I said it's fine.' She glared up at Ikuto, daring him to disagree.

He nodded. 'I understand,' he told her. 'I won't say anything upsetting to him. And he can sleep in my room tonight, okay? I'll sleep on the couch.'

Utau sighed, relieved. She hugged her brother. 'Thanks, Ikuto. I know you're responsible when it comes down to it.'

Ikuto popped his head back in the kitchen. 'Hey, Kid. You can bunk in my room tonight. I'll show you where it is.'

The boy nodded and, standing up, followed Ikuto out. Utau watched him go, and though the night was warm, she couldn't help but shiver.

Utau knocked softly on Ikuto's bedroom door. She pushed it open to see Kukai sitting stiffly on the bed. He moved slightly at her entrance, but didn't look at her.

'Um...' she began awkwardly. 'I've brought a change of pyjamas for you. They're clean and they'll probably fit; they're Ikuto's from a couple of years ago.'

'Thank you,' he said quietly.

As she watched her friend, Utau suddenly couldn't stand this any longer. She had to ask. It didn't matter if it upset Kukai to tell her, if there was something really wrong and it was hurting him like this, then she had to know.

Utau sat on a chair across from him. 'Kukai,' she began gently but firmly. 'I need to know what happened. What's making you upset like this?'

As she watched Kukai, she was afraid he wasn't going to tell her. But then he slowly looked up at her for the first time that night. As she saw his eyes, Utau was shocked. There was pain and so much fear in them, things that seemed to dull the usual green colour to a faint whisper of grey.

'Utau...' he began, barely audible. 'I-it's my p-parents... I've done something... terrible...'


	2. Chapter 2: Blame

**Hi guys, here is the second instalment of _Like An Angel_, I hope you like it! And thanks so much for the reviews and stuff so far! **

**There is some implied Kukai x Yaya in this one, but the focus is still Kutau X3**

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Chapter 2: Blame

Ikuto stood at the top of a building, listening to the night. Just listening. It wasn't often, and it wasn't something he told anybody, but sometimes he felt he had a special connection to the night. On nights like this he could close his eyes and feel the breeze against his face, and just listen to the _absence_ of everything. It was like a song that played for his ears alone, and in his mind he was worlds away. And sometimes he would pick up his violin and become a part of it, of those sounds, of that song. When he played to the night he felt like he was somewhere else entirely, in another world, and _that_ was the real world. Not the world he usually belonged to, where everyone struggled, where everyone cried, where everyone hid some sort of pain.

Ikuto frowned. As if in answer to his thoughts, he heard the faint but definite sound of someone crying. He opened his eyes and looked down. It was a small girl, running through the streets. Was she lost? She didn't look quite young enough to be lost. What was she looking for, then? Ikuto hopped closer to the girl, and realised with a start that he knew her. Her hair was tied in brown pigtails; her slender frame moved quickly as she darted through this street and that. She was undoubtedly one of Amu's friends. Yaya. Ikuto jumped down in front of the girl.

Yaya leapt back, startled. 'Ikuto!' she gasped.

'Yaya,' he greeted her. He frowned at her. 'Why are you out so late at night? And why were you crying?'

Yaya hesitated, then turned and ran.

'Wait!' he called after her, surprised. He caught up to her and held her back. She tried to struggle, pushing him away she wept.

'Ikuto,' she started, sniffling, 'Let me go!' She tried to push away from him again, to no avail. 'You don't understand,' she told him in a small voice. 'There's been an accident, and Kukai's missing, and everyone else is at the hospital, but I went find him, and – and –' she broke off.

'Accident?' Ikuto repeated, alarmed.

'A car accident,' she nodded. She pressed him away again. 'Please, let me go! I have to find him...' she gave in and buried her face in his shirt, muffling sobs.

Ikuto held her as she cried. 'Calm down!' he told her. 'Just calm down, okay? Kukai's at my place.'

Yaya sniffed and looked up at him, surprised. 'At your place?' she repeated doubtfully.

'Yeah. He came to see Utau. I stepped out for a bit 'cos the atmosphere was pretty gloomy. But he's still there; he's staying for the night.'

Yaya wiped her eyes and gave a small giggle that sounded out oddly into the night, and then disappeared. 'Yaya is so silly,' she said softly. 'She should have known to check Utau-chan's place first.'

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**b . l . a . m . e**

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_Kukai got out of the car, swinging the door shut behind him. It was late afternoon, almost dark, but the soccer team was holding a training session in preparation for the big game the next weekend._

'_Have fun at soccer practice,' his mother said cheerfully. 'Don't be home too late.'_

_Kukai grinned, 'I know, Mum.' He waved as his parents pulled away. Turning, he set his skateboard down at the top of the stairs that led to the soccer fields. He hadn't perfected this trick yet, and he had time to work on it before practice started. He stepped up onto the board._

'_Kukai!' _

_He jumped at his mother's voice. His parents were driving away, but he could still clearly see their irritated facial expressions as they looked back at him._

'_Get away from those stairs right now, young man,' his father called angrily. 'That's dangerous!' _

_Kukai couldn't help but laugh at the looks on their faces. 'Mum, Dad, it's fine!' He protested. 'I've done this plenty of times!'_

'_I said now!' his Dad demanded._

_Rolling his eyes, Kukai skated down the stairs anyway. Just a turn here and a turn there and – perfect._

_All of a sudden Kukai heard a loud horn beeping. He turned and watched, dumbfounded, as his parents' expressions turned from fury to fear. They looked up in shock as they drove onto the main road – directly in the path of an approaching truck. Panicking, his Dad swerved. It was too late. Kukai gasped as his parents' small car collided with the truck. He watched in disbelief as the car was sent skidding and rolling, until it came to a halt at the other end of the intersection._

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**b . l . a . m . e**

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'I just... I just laughed at them,' Kukai finished, his voice a broken whisper. 'It's my fault.' The night had become eerily quiet, and those tortured words seemed to amplify in the silence.

Utau didn't know what to say. 'Kukai...' she began. She took his hands in hers. He'd been digging his nails into his palms so hard that they'd started to bleed.

She took a breath. 'Kukai, listen,' she said firmly. 'You can't blame yourself for this. The most important thing right now is to be with your parents. Where are they? Are they at the hospital?'

Kukai nodded wordlessly.

Utau was worried. Kukai still seemed disoriented. Was he in shock? What were the symptoms of shock? Utau had no idea. 'Kukai,' she said as gently as possible. 'You need to go and see them.'

He shook his head, looking down. 'I can't face them,' he said chokingly. 'I can't face anyone, not after what I did.'

'Kukai, it isn't your fault!'

But he shook his head again, not believing her.

Utau jumped as there was a knock at the bedroom door. 'Uh, come in!' she called.

Ikuto poked his head into the room. 'Kukai's got a visitor.'

'Visitor?' Utau questioned. Ikuto swung the door open to admit Yaya.

Yaya's eyes widened as soon as she saw Kukai. 'Kukai! You're here!' she exclaimed, diving into his lap. She wrapped her arms around him, bumping his chin with her head. 'Kukai, you silly,' she complained, 'why did you run away? Yaya was very worried! She was searching for you everywhere! You shouldn't make Yaya worry like that!'

'Uh... s-sorry,' Kukai stammered, confused by the sudden ball of energy that was tugging on his jacket and wagging her finger at him crossly.

'Ikuto, why is she here?' Utau said sharply. 'She's a nuisance.'

'She was running around the city by herself, looking everywhere for him,' Ikuto responded calmly. 'I couldn't just leave her.'

'Fine,' Utau sighed, impatient. 'Yaya,' she said, turning to the girl. 'What are you doing out so late at night anyway? You should be in bed by now.'

'My parents and Kukai's are good friends,' Yaya said defensively. 'They went to the hospital when they heard. They said I could come as well.'

Why did Yaya always manage to exasperate her so much? Utau rolled her eyes. 'Yaya, don't you think they're probably home by now? Ikuto, get her some hot chocolate and then take her home.' Ikuto nodded swiftly, stepping forward.

'No!' Yaya protested. She jutted her chin in defiance. 'I'm staying where Kukai is.' She clung tightly to the boy.

Yaya's presence actually seemed to have had a positive effect on Kukai. He sat up straighter and, looking at Yaya, he managed a small smile and murmured to her reassuringly, 'Go on, Yaya. It's okay. I'll be fine.'

Yaya stared up at him hesitantly. Utau watched him too. He looked better, she observed. More alive. Utau could almost believe what he said – that he would be okay. If this was Yaya's doing, then Utau began to feel relieved that she'd come. Yaya nodded slowly. She gave Kukai one last hug and went downstairs with Ikuto.

The door closed softly behind them, leaving the two in silence.

'Kukai,' Utau began. 'You should at least call your brothers and let them know you're here.'

Kukai nodded, taking out his phone. 'Yeah, I'll do that now,' he said quietly. 'I-I wasn't really thinking straight earlier. It was probably stupid of me to run off like that. I'm sorry for causing you trouble.'

Utau sighed, relieved. He seemed back to normal, or somewhat normal at least. Utau watched as Kukai flipped open the phone and began dialling. She was so glad to see him with some semblance of his usual self. She hadn't realised how terrified she'd been, up until now. He'd been like a ghost before.

Kukai paused. 'Utau...' he started, unsure.

'Yes?'

Kukai took a breath. 'I-I want to go to the hospital tomorrow morning to see them. It's too late at night to do that now, I realise that. But, Utau...' his green eyes focused on hers. Troubled though they were, they still managed to make Utau's heart tremble. 'Will you come with me? I know I've been a lot to deal with already, but... I'm not sure... if I can do it, without you... so please...' he trailed off.

Utau smiled, coming forward and embracing him. 'Of course I'll go with you.' Head on Kukai's shoulder, she inhaled his scent. She pushed back the anxiety that still hovered at the edge of her mind.

'Everything's going to be fine.' For the sake of Kukai, and for the sake of the Souma family, Utau found herself praying that her words would hold true in the morning.

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**So, that's the end of Chapter 2! I hope you guys liked it. I'm glad Yaya made an appearance, 'cos she's awesome :D **

**But whoa. That's really much more angst than I'm used to writing, so I'm sorry if it sucks XD**

**Anyway, please review and tell me what you think! And please let me know if you think there are any problems with it! **

**Well, thanks for reading! Next up is Chapter 3: Emergency.**


	3. Author's Note and Interlude

**Hi guys~**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated this in so long. I'm having a bit of writer's block with it, so it's going to be on hold for a while. Only a little while hopefully! Thanks for the nice reviews so far! I'll try to have it updated soon, and thanks for reading!**

**But in the meantime and as an apology for taking forever, here's a little Kutau one-shot thing, I hope you enjoy it!**

Utau walked into the living room, heaving a sigh. She felt... uninterested? No, that wasn't quite the right word. Tired? Not particularly. Bored? Yes, that was it. She was completely and utterly bored.

Suddenly a blasting noise filled the room, and her mood went from bored to irritated in an instant. She glared at the grinning redhead who currently occupied her sofa, and didn't appear to be leaving any time soon.

'Kukai! Turn that down!'

His eyes went wide and innocent. 'Why? It's music. You love music.' Satisfied with his logic, he shut his eyes, a peaceful look on his face. He then commenced belting out notes along to the deafening sound.

'Not METAL music! Turn it DOWN!' But Kukai ignored her, absorbed in the music.

Utau sighed. She was really going to have to reconsider this dating-younger-guys thing. She had such terrible luck in love. Younger guys, guys she was closely related to... Utau really was no good at picking them.

Kukai leapt onto the coffee table, in an air guitar solo Jimi Hendrix might have found impressive. Utau considered prying the stereo remote from his hands, but doubted she would succeed. She clamped her hands over her ears. This sound really _was_ excrutiatingly loud. She was glad Ikuto wasn't around. Any classical musician would be traumatised by this.

As if in answer to her thoughts, Utau heard a sharp intake of breath from behind her, and turned to face her - very pale-faced - brother. His hands were pressed against his ears and his expression was desperate.

'Why-so-loud?' he mouthed, doubting she would hear him over the music's volume.

Utau was about to answer when Kukai launched into the bridge, modulating into a higher - and thanks to Kukai, even more painful - key. Ikuto paled further. 'Nevermind - I gotta go,' he muttered, making a hasty exit. Utau heard the front door slam a moment later. Her brother did use doors, sometimes.

Utau rounded on Kukai. 'Kukai!' she shouted over the din. 'You've driven my brother out of the house! Stop this noise!' But it was no use. He couldn't hear her.

Utau sighed, exasperated. There was just one thing left to do. Removing her heels, Utau stepped up onto the coffee table behind her boyfriend. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Kukai was silenced in an instant.

Utau pressed her hair against his neck. 'Kukai,' she whispered. 'Kukai, won't you turn the volume down?' She looked up at him coyly, batting her eyelashes. 'Please?'

She held back a giggle as Kukai was visibly turned to pulp. 'Uh... uh-huh,' he stammered, immediately turning down the volume knob on the remote. Turning to face her properly, Kukai's emerald eyes lit up with a new kind of energy. He nuzzled her playfully, tangling his fingers through her hair.

Utau smirked. _This_, she reminded herself, _is why it's Kukai._ Because despite his eccentricities and occasional immaturity, he was able to make her feel like this. Utau closed her eyes and succumbed to Kukai's cuddling, and for just a few minutes, it seemed like the loudest thing in the world.

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**Hope you liked it~ (btw, I wonder what kind of music Kukai listens to? He seems like the kind of guy who would like metal music to me xD)**


	4. Chapter 3: Emergency

**Okay! I decided to finally stop procrastinating and write this. Even so, this chapter is much shorter than the first two, 'cos I'm still kinda stuck on it DD:**

**I'm so sorry to the people who were waiting! The next chapter will be up sooner, I promise. And thanks so much to the people who reviewed and who faved and who alerted, you guys really make my day :'DD**

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**E.m.e.r.g.e.n.c.y **

Kukai stared down at his reflection on the cold kitchen counter. Utau had promised to come with him to the hospital that morning, but she had insisted on making them breakfast first. Though the various clanking noises, occasional crashes and numerous strange smells made him a little alarmed at her cooking abilities, in honesty he felt comforted by them. Despite what Utau said, the accident had been his fault. It was all he could do to keep from shaking in fear, and to stop the dread and guilt from consuming him. But Utau's presence was an assurance that some things, at least, were still alright.

Kukai looked up with a start as Utau yelped and swore loudly. She glared at the kettle and proceeded to turn on the tap and run her hand under the cold water.

'Are you alright?' he asked her quietly.

She looked up, smiling. 'I'm just fine,' she reassured him. 'Breakfast will be ready soon.'

To Kukai, the love in her eyes was almost unbearable. How could she still love him after what he'd done, how could she think he still deserved her kindness? _But of course she would,_ Kukai reminded himself. He knew that when Utau loved, she loved through anything, and she loved despite everything. Kukai hadn't known the meaning of 'unconditional' until he'd met Utau.

But it made him feel all the more dirty, that someone like her would give that sort of love to a person like him. What if, one day, he ended up hurting her as well? Kukai quickly pushed the thought away, because to break down in front of her again, and cause her to worry even more, would be unforgivable.

Feigning cheerfulness, Utau settled two bowls of rice on the table. Kukai ate his in silence. He had no appetite, but every time he looked up he saw Utau's deep purple eyes watching him steadfastly, so he obediently finished his meal. Eventually he stared at the bowl and nothing else. He felt loved, and undeserving of love at the same time. He wanted to meet her eyes; he longed to reassure her that he was fine. But he didn't, for fear that he would crumble under that perfect, violet gaze.

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Beeping. Hushed voices. The clack of shoes on an impossibly shiny floor. Hospital noises seemed to fill Kukai's ears, but he felt as if the world around him was just drifting by. The only thing he could focus on was the scene through the glass window before him. Two beds, pale green sheets, machines Kukai couldn't even name. It was hard to believe that it was his _parents_ in those beds. They were always so lively. It shocked him to the core that they could appear so lifeless now.

Kukai felt a slender hand slip into his, and squeeze it. _Utau._ Numbly he squeezed back.

Suddenly, the beeping sound picked up in pace. A doctor cried out in a harsh voice, but Kukai couldn't understand what he was saying, it could have been an alien language for all he knew. Other doctors rushed in, crowding around his father's bed. One called out directions, her voice piercing. Kukai tried to see his father's face, but there were too many white coats, and he couldn't catch a glimpse.

'Dad!' The scream could have come from his own mouth, but he wasn't conscious of screaming. Panic overpowering that terrible numbness, he tried to dart into the room. Hands pulled him back, but he was too strong for their feminine grip, and he struggled free of them to crash through the door.

'_Get him out of here,'_ someone commanded, and strong, sleek arms clamped around him – _Dad?_ No, these arms were younger, and his father never wore black. Hushed voices spoke quickly, telling him to come away, and the relentless, unbreakable grip pulled him down the corridor.

'Dad!' Kukai called again, struggling against this unwanted dark stranger, before he realised that it was Ikuto holding him, and Utau pleading with him desperately to calm down. So he let them pull him away and away, down the corridors and flights of stairs. The surrounding people seemed so wrong and so nonchalantly impersonal and so _large_ somehow, like scantily-clad strangers on a beach. Utau and Ikuto led him past all the unfriendly glances, but weren't bothered by it at all – the Tsukiyomi siblings knew of hospitals and staring strangers. But eventually, the brightest light was open daylight, and the only sound was Utau's voice, soft and gentle as a lullaby.

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**So, there's chapter three. I'm sorry it was so short T^T but I wanted to get it uploaded rather than procrastinate even more, which I knew I would do.**

**Thanks for reading! I hope you're liking it so far. Please review? The next chapter is called _Cry._**


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